Sunday, 13 February 2011

Follow on to elopement...

So if you read this last post then you see how ugly things are this end and Jenny and Claire left some very sensible advice it gave me the shake I needed.

Education for me is something we really need for our future, for us to be settled. I won't be able to start until September. To rent a place near where the boyfriend works is stupidly expensive we can not afford to rent a place and have a life... in fact when I'm in eduction working part time it will be almost impossible so we cannot move out that is why we are still here. But when I start uni I will have to rent a place anyway. so we are planning to move out

But Saturday I called my Mum, In tears... Which led to me telling her everything, how no one supports us, how it's hell living here, how I don't know anyone, How we just want to be married surrounded by love and everyone is crushing it, how I don't know how the hell I'm going to plan a wedding on my own, how we are thinking of running off and getting married just the two of us...

I was waiting for the backlash, the being called selfish and being told I always make everything about me... But it didn't come... She said "Simone calm down I love you, please don't elope we want to see you get married, your Dad wants to give you away."

I WAS IN SHOCK!!! that was the last thing I expected.

Then for the first time ever my Dad came in on the call we only share about two words over the phone normally. My Dad planned their wedding all by himself,
Me: "can't you just plan our wedding because I give up."
Dad: "Simone come here for the weekend soon, and we will sit down and plan together, Write a list of everything you would want if money is no problem and I will see how many people I know that can do these things. (He runs his own business so people owe him favors and he knows a lot of people that are good at a lot of things) You might not get it all but we will do it together."

Now me and my dad were last close when I was 13 then this thing happened with a boyfriend and it was never the same. We have not hugged since and it is always small talk so this was totally out of the blue.

My Mum said but we've got ages can't all this wait... I was expecting this her to tell me to wait until 6 months before. My Dad stopped her and said it takes a long time to plan a wedding if your going to do it all yourself and it will be cheaper the earlier we book things. He never stands up to her and he was doing it for me!

Then I pushed it,
Me: in tears "But you don't even like the boyfriend you don't even support our relationship why would you help?"
Mum: "I'm sorry, we should have been more supportive, we do like him, we know how much you love each other, he took you in and you've been through so much. We remember everyone telling us how we wouldn't last and people didn't believe in us or want to help and we never loved those people the same."
Me: Silence now sobbing
Dad: "We are happy, please don't elope"

Mum: "and please for goodness sake don't grow your own flowers, I will pay for them, I will pay for your dress and cake."
Me: "Oh Mum thank you"
Mum: "If your Mother in law to be won't help don't let her she will regret it years from now, but you won't regret not letting her make you unhappy. If it gets too much some weeks come stay here for the weekend."
Me: "Thank you"
Dad: "You have always been too nice, you always go out of your way for everyone and you think people will want to do the same thing, it's lovely but you get hurt. So put you and the boyfriend first for a change and stop trying to make everyone happy. You will never make everyone happy at a wedding you both need to be happy"

My family are loud, ruthless and know how to say no, I have always wanted to see the good in everyone and I always end up disappointed, they are always telling me to be meaner and put my self first even the boyfriend does now.

Mum: "Simone, Mothers are blind when it comes to sons, look how long I put up with crap from your Brother, all those years of drink and drugs and tearing this family apart never saying sorry. I always made excuses it took a long time and a lot of crap for me to realise that he wasn't worth it and to cut him off. Your boyfriend is nice so she really doesn't think anyone is good enough, his Mum is always going to think your not good enough she doesn't want him to marry anyone."

So on the 12th of March I'm going to start planning with my parents they didn't even do this for my Sister's wedding. I couldn't believe it I told the boyfriend when I got off the phone and he was shocked. But it is lovely and maybe this wedding can be exactly what I wanted, a day filled with love and family. And for the MILTB she doesn't want to help she will regret that and living here is not ideal but we are together.

I just want to say thank you to Jenny and Claire for your honest comments and advice, I would never have spoke up if you hadn't have said this wasn't right I always think I have to put up with it because they are my family.



  1. Nothing is unfixable, and a problem shared is a problem halved (one of my Mums favourite sayings that is!)

    Glad you feel better and I bet things are clearer in your head now, sending massive hugs xx

  2. Yeah things are a lot clearer, It feels now that I have my man and we are in love and now that my parents are involved that I have everything I could need for my perfect wedding anything else id extra I never thought me and my parents would get to this point.

    Its good advice from your Mum. Thank you for all your comments and support it means so much!

  3. It's slightly insane to think that a blog comment has changed the life of someone I've never met, but I am inordinately pleased that it has done so. I'm so happy that things are improving.

    Well done you for bringing it up - your parents are supportive and you will move out in September. Have you set a date for the wedding? Is it before or after you move out? Because if you haven't yet set it, I suggest you do it afterwards...

    Well done again Simone. xx