Friday, 11 February 2011


here's the thing our parents haven't always been so excited about us being together...

My Mum is big on appearances, money and how we look to other people. of course this is completely ridiculous as we lived on a council estate in Basildon Essex, but she always prided her self on having bought that house so apparently it made us different. So when I met the boyfriend and his house is almost identical to ours on the same type of estate apart from some where else in Essex it wasn't good enough because his family didn't own there own house. (When my Mum and Dad bought our house they did it because it was cheaper than the rent...) Him and his family we're good enough for my Mum's appearances.

Then when we got engaged she was slightly happier after all it was a chance to show off to everyone that we could throw a proper wedding, except her first words when we told her were not "congratulations" but "we are not putting any money towards the wedding". That's fine I never expected it but then she kept saying what she wanted and who she wanted to invite...

With the boyfriends Mum it had been just the two of them for a while and he is her little boy so no one will ever be good enough for her son. We started going out when we we're 16 at college and Mother in law to be (MILTB) thought that I was the reason he gave up with college when in fact we had both given up before we got together. Then my parents kicked me out (so things personally aren't good with my parents) and I moved in with the boyfriend which was a complete life line and I thought she liked me... she didn't she liked him and wanted to make him happy, times got hard she screamed at me and put hand written eviction notices on our bedroom door when she was drunk and would tell him loudly when I was in the next room that I had ruined him and he was too good for me. But he ignored her and choose me and decided when we were both 18 to propose to me he told his Mum first and she was very unhappy and asked if I was pregnant... (this did not go down well when I found out) and she told him he was making a huge mistake.

We had an engagement party and My Mum who wasn't thrilled we were engaged put her game face on and played happy Mother, only one of my Sisters turned up as the other one was pissed that I was getting married before her and MILTB did turn up but his brother didn't. My Mum tried to be nice to MILTB saying "isn't it exciting that they are engaged", MILTB got drunk only a few months ago and told me that she replied "No it's not it's a terrible mistake" so that was good. Both Mothers dislike each other and the fact we are together, MILTB then spend the rest of the night standing in the corner talking to no one and giving everyone evil eyes.

So we were already fighting all the time just to prove to everyone this was real because no one thought it would last. No one really wants to help or support us with planning or finance for the wedding. But both parents have people that HAVE to be at the wedding regardless of how they feel about our relationship. Also since telling both parents at the weekend my Mum has said that she will buy the dress which was a huge shock but every time I try to talk about the wedding apart from that she changes the subject. When I bring up the wedding to MILTB she goes silent and walks out of the room. We have a hairdresser that comes to our home and I was asking her about doing my hair for the wedding and she asked who's hair she would be doing.
Me: Just me and my maid of honour it's only a really small wedding
MILTB: what about my hair?
Me: silence..... erm well we don't really have the money for that.
MILTB: Well my other daughter in law paid for me to have my hair done at her wedding!
ME: in totally shock that she was saying this and in front of our hairdresser who was there for the first time... Well good for your other DIL but your son is a police man and your other DIL is a nurse and they have money.
whole room went silent I was completely embarrassed. This is the only thing she has said about the wedding.

When I told my Sister that is angry I'm getting married before her she said bloody hell not another wedding...

Also we haven't told anyone but I'm looking at going to uni to become a primary school teacher I would have to do a foundation course first and then my degree and then teacher training which would be a struggle, this would mean the boyfriend and me still living here for the foundation degree and then for my first year of uni be living at the uni and him living here to save money then finding a place together the year after. This will be a struggle but we know we can get through it but we need this for us to have a secure future. We can't tell anyone yet because my Mum is currently telling every one that I'm not looking for work I just want to get pregnant which is not at all what is happening and quite hurtful. Also we know that MILTB would try to stop us getting married if she knows I'm thinking of moving out.

The reason I tell you all this is that our family lives are difficult and we never feel supported even though we do our best to be the best family members we can be and it's getting to the point now where the day should be filled with joy, love and about the start of our marriage is becoming a day of keeping people happy that aren't happy for us, or making sure our families don't have to mix too much in case they fight. Which is making us want to elope to some where amazing just the two of us.

This was all brought to a head last night when we were sitting trying to figure out how we can make me doing a degree work and I am excited and happy about making my dream come true... then the wedding comes up about money and what everyone is expecting and how unsupported we feel and I am sobbing and hating my family and the mess that is becoming our wedding day and the boyfriend looks at me and says... "Simone I want you, I just want to marry you, I don't care about the bells and whistles. They have never supported us they haven't trusted that we know that we are right for each other, we are each others family already so why are we trying to please them why can't we actually just get married just the two of us?"
And that right there is it, what everyone doesn't see that they all keep forgetting, for each other we are enough just the two of us getting married but everyone else wants the bells and the whistles. It makes me so sad that they don't see what we have, but so happy to know this is the person I will always need and we will be getting married.

Honestly elopement is an option now and it's a scary one and I keep changing my mind, so I guess I'm asking for advice what do you think? would you ever do it? Why?



  1. Ok sweetheart having taken it all in here's how I see it;

    You are living at his Mums house. Your priority should be getting the hell out of there and renting your own place rather than trying to fathom how to pay for a wedding. Weddings are expensive no matter how you try and do it, Weddings cause upset in the family no matter how you try to do it, you will always upset someone along the way you can't please them all but I think relationships would be better all round if you and your beloved had your own place.

    Then theres the subject of the degree you would like to do, can you afford to do that and get married?

    To me it seems as though something has to give, or be put on hold for the time being, whether that be moving out, your degree, or your wedding.

    However if being married is really something you want, then I would get on the next plane to Thailand and tie the knot :o) xx

  2. I agree. Get out. You don't need to prove anything to anyone with the wedding. You are together, you support each other - now get the hell out of that house.

    Getting out needs to be your priority because this is just insanely destructive. A big wedding is a luxury - right now, you need essentials, not luxuries - somewhere to live and the education for your degree. Sort these things out first and if you still want to marry, do it on your own terms and do not invite any of these people who seem out to destroy you - or at least, threaten not to unless they grow the hell up. Elope if you want, but realise that you may never talk to these people again. But then - would that be so bad?

  3. I agree wiht the others sound advice. If I was you my priority would be to get out of there and start you live together the two of you. Which doesn't have to mean marriage it could mean living together and enjoying that and doing what you want for a change.

    You deserve to be happy but a big wedding won't make you that when everyone else is tearing you in a million directions.

    If you want to get married soon then elopement could be the answer and then it will be your special day but just make sure it is the right decision for you bith. There is no rush remember that.