Monday, 28 March 2011

Make decisions for me...

I just worked out that my absolute dream wedding would cost £5000... keep in mind that in London where this dream wedding would take place the average cost of a wedding would be is £20000 and that's a quarter of the price.

But the amount of money we can realistically spend on a wedding next year is £2000 yeah you read that right I didn't miss a zero it's just two thousand pounds. Which gets us married but not a whole lot else. So why not wait I hear you ask... because twice already we have tried to plan this wedding TWICE! once when we first got engaged and it was all new, I thought I wanted the huge princess wedding with dinner and dancing. Then we both became unemployed. The the second time we started planning while the boyfriend and I had jobs and I was more realistic about what type of wedding we could really have... but I became depressed and couldn't face it and then got sacked because of the amount of time I had to take off. This time I waited until I had a mega money job, the boyfriend had a good stable job and my family offered to pay for different bits of the wedding... and then my job didn't renew my contract, my parents decided that they didn't want to help with the wedding let alone put any money towards it. So what we have at the moment is that I will hopefully be hearing back from a company this week telling me I have a new job not a great one but a job. A wedding that is us getting married but it's not a dream come true or even half way close it's a lot of settling and taking things because they are cheap.

Again so why not put it off... because every time we have had to cancel the wedding I have lost a bit of faith in the fact that this can happen, I struggle between wanting to just marry my man and having a day we can look back on with pride and happiness. Another reason I struggle to put it off is because we can afford to get married with family and then spend the rest of the day just the two of us but we can't afford to have a reception with family. Which to most people would be a no brainer but our families have been beyound unhelpful and open about not believing this will last and feel that if i put it back a year to have a reception that I may pay all that money for and my family can't behave or don't particularlly care, it will have been for nothing. Also my family are a group of gloaters of "HA you didn't pull that off when you said you would!", When we try again it will be met with "Your planning your wedding I won't hold my breath."... Finally I'm just not ready to let this go I have already put so much energy into this I know exactly what I want I already have an amazing photographer and half the deposit for them. I already have places in mind everything is planned, my head and heart are in it and I don't know how you just let go of it for another year... again... I think I might just give up except it as something we're not meant to do.

Part of me clings to the fact that maybe if we hired a professional to help me plan they would have connections and be able to help keep this in budget and as a dream day but what wedding planner would take a wedding costing in total £2000-£3000 when they could have £20000 to work with... But then a professional takes more money away from the wedding budget... So I'm totally stuck there is no easy answer anymore... and I am at the point of tears and hiding under the cover... can't someone come and make all these decisions for me...


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