Monday, 3 January 2011

It really does,,,

Hello most loved readers, yes I'm back I know my last post would have given the feeling that I had found myself a hole and I had laid down and died in it... Well it was close but here I am standing, breathing and optimistic. That's right no depression sneaking back in over here, I talked it all through with the boyfriend every single feeling, (bottling it up is not the answer... ever!) I had 5 or 6 very long baths with candles and music and had a good old talking to myself. I came to the conclusion we're still doing twice as well as we were last year, the boyfriend still has his job and the mother-in-law to be is lovely and fine about the whole situation. We don't own a place the only commitments we have are our phone bills and they are in the boyfriends name. We got the things we desperately needed when we had no money, with the job just gone.

But the picture pretty much sums up how I have been feeling, as a kid I never fitted in a longed to be older, to have a say, to be in charge because I had dreams and knew what I wanted, now I'm here and it does truly suck some times and I think what did I think would be so magical about having to be the one handling everything? I was crazy, any chance I could go back? yeah thought not.

So with that in mind I figured I'm 20 I'm not meant to have it all figured out right? I know people twice as old as me that never found a 'path'. So I the plan for now is get a job, yes any job, even retail (shudder!) and while there look for a better job it is always easier to find a job when you have one. Also look into courses to get me where I want to be, I 'd love to work with children, day care or nursery but the real goal in the end is primary school teacher I'm not sure how you get there without doing uni full time but I will find out. Also working in retail in the mean time means I get to wear lovely clothes as uniform and have my hair any way I like so I'm looking for a bright side.

I will make this year awesome even if it kills me. It's sort of freeing in away to look at your life and just think, yeah I have no idea what comes next, but what if its great... The boyfriend goes back to work on Tuesday so will do Christmas catch-up then. But enough about me how are all of you?



  1. Aww, so glad to wake up to a lovely post from you this morning. It might seem like you have to have everything figured out by 20, but you don't. You are doing the right thing by just taking it as it comes x

  2. It was lovely to wake up with a comment on my first post of the year, thank you for the aadvice I may need much more in the year to come.