Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Worst Blogger...

.... ever!

I'm so sorry I did my whole, it's a brand new blog, everything is going to be different, I have all this amazing stuff for you and then I just disappeared that's just not on. So here's how it went down.... (It goes on to be about a fight between me and my boyfriend that turns bad, I'm writing this more for me than for people to read, I totally understand if you skip today's post and I'll be back tomorrow with more usual posts, Thank you)

On Tuesday I went for an interview at a recycling centre to be the person you call up and complain to and I was truly very happy because I have a job. So I called everyone and got all excited and then the boyfriend comes home and tells me he's sick... so there is no celebrating no excitement and I go to bed and 8.30pm. Yeah was not a happy person.

Wednesday I bottle up how irritated I am that the person I love didn't really care I got my new job after how long I have been applying and been getting rejected. I make his lunch, I iron his clothes, I make sure he has medicine for his cold, I clean our room and I unpack the dishwasher. When he gets home he is in a crap mood again. I get it his ill but he comes in and he's rude and he is having a strop that he has to take the washing up while I'm making him coffee then he dumps it on the bed instead of putting it away and starts reading without asking how my day was or how I am or telling me how he is. Now I'm steaming and it all comes out in one long stream of words...

"I got my job you weren't even happy for me, you didn't offer to celebrate, all I do it tidy up after everyone and no one even says thank you, you treat me more like a slave than a girlfriend, you never talk to me, we discussed you doing more at the weekend around the house ans here you are not doing anything again, your direct debit that you said would come out of my account once is coming out monthly and I don't have a job so now I'm £160 overdrawn on my account so when I do get paid I won't get any of it because it will pay off your debt!"

Yeah I really went for it like you wouldn't believe I'm crying and then he is shouting...
"I was happy but I was sick, We don't have money to celebrate, (we do for game rental though) I get games because I work and it's my money, Why should I have to tidy up I'm sick and have been at work all day, I didn't know the money was still coming out of your account I'll pay it off when I can."

Then it got more and more heated until he started pointing right in my face and looked like he wanted to kill me... and then it was so quick I don't really remember how it happened but I got hit in the face... hard. I thought he punched me but I'm not sure and he said he didn't. I pushed him back out of pure shock and cried loads, in all of this the leg on out bed broke of and I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. My jaw felt so heavy and my jaw is still locking up all the time. I eventually came out and we worked on fixing the bed, he cried and said sorry although he did not punch me and I put on a smile like I always do and said "I'm fine".

So this week has been difficult I'm still at home, more for the fact I have no where else to go and I'm still not sure how I feel about this, It felt like it happened to someone else. There is no one I can tell as my parents would say you made your bed lay in it. My sisters are busy and my friends live miles away. My jaw aches and he said sorry loads of times.

Any way I'm OK and I just needed somewhere that I could get this off my mind and to explain why I couldn't get my brain together to post last week. I don't really know where it goes from here this has happened once before and I think twice might be one to many for me. If you have been in this situation before please let me have any advice you've got email me if you don't want to comment. I feel so silly that I'm making such a huge deal of this when some women go through much worse.

Sorry for the over information, over sharing post.

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