Worst Blogger...

.... ever!

I'm so sorry I did my whole, it's a brand new blog, everything is going to be different, I have all this amazing stuff for you and then I just disappeared that's just not on. So here's how it went down.... (It goes on to be about a fight between me and my boyfriend that turns bad, I'm writing this more for me than for people to read, I totally understand if you skip today's post and I'll be back tomorrow with more usual posts, Thank you)

On Tuesday I went for an interview at a recycling centre to be the person you call up and complain to and I was truly very happy because I have a job. So I called everyone and got all excited and then the boyfriend comes home and tells me he's sick... so there is no celebrating no excitement and I go to bed and 8.30pm. Yeah was not a happy person.

Wednesday I bottle up how irritated I am that the person I love didn't really care I got my new job after how long I have been applying and been getting rejected. I make his lunch, I iron his clothes, I make sure he has medicine for his cold, I clean our room and I unpack the dishwasher. When he gets home he is in a crap mood again. I get it his ill but he comes in and he's rude and he is having a strop that he has to take the washing up while I'm making him coffee then he dumps it on the bed instead of putting it away and starts reading without asking how my day was or how I am or telling me how he is. Now I'm steaming and it all comes out in one long stream of words...

"I got my job you weren't even happy for me, you didn't offer to celebrate, all I do it tidy up after everyone and no one even says thank you, you treat me more like a slave than a girlfriend, you never talk to me, we discussed you doing more at the weekend around the house ans here you are not doing anything again, your direct debit that you said would come out of my account once is coming out monthly and I don't have a job so now I'm £160 overdrawn on my account so when I do get paid I won't get any of it because it will pay off your debt!"

Yeah I really went for it like you wouldn't believe I'm crying and then he is shouting...
"I was happy but I was sick, We don't have money to celebrate, (we do for game rental though) I get games because I work and it's my money, Why should I have to tidy up I'm sick and have been at work all day, I didn't know the money was still coming out of your account I'll pay it off when I can."

Then it got more and more heated until he started pointing right in my face and looked like he wanted to kill me... and then it was so quick I don't really remember how it happened but I got hit in the face... hard. I thought he punched me but I'm not sure and he said he didn't. I pushed him back out of pure shock and cried loads, in all of this the leg on out bed broke of and I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. My jaw felt so heavy and my jaw is still locking up all the time. I eventually came out and we worked on fixing the bed, he cried and said sorry although he did not punch me and I put on a smile like I always do and said "I'm fine".

So this week has been difficult I'm still at home, more for the fact I have no where else to go and I'm still not sure how I feel about this, It felt like it happened to someone else. There is no one I can tell as my parents would say you made your bed lay in it. My sisters are busy and my friends live miles away. My jaw aches and he said sorry loads of times.

Any way I'm OK and I just needed somewhere that I could get this off my mind and to explain why I couldn't get my brain together to post last week. I don't really know where it goes from here this has happened once before and I think twice might be one to many for me. If you have been in this situation before please let me have any advice you've got email me if you don't want to comment. I feel so silly that I'm making such a huge deal of this when some women go through much worse.

Sorry for the over information, over sharing post.
Love
Simone

We have each other...

Saturday night I spent 50 minuets on the phone to my big Sister the only member of my family I could not live without.

We discussed our family and how we wished more than anything that we had the kind of Mother you could go to when the world was falling down around you... we do not however have anyone like that. This made me sad and what made me sadder still was thinking of all the 'friendships' that I have tried so hard to keep. All the emails, texts and phone called I sent and dialled only to receive no reply or call back. All those times I worried, hugged, went out of my way and fixed things for others, family members and friends and received nothing in return.

My family don't believe my wedding day should be an event because they care and think I'm worth it they think it should be an event because it makes our family look good to other people.

But some day long ago I met a boy,
that boy grew into a friend,
that friend grew into a boyfriend
and that boyfriend grew into a man,
I love that man very much,
and that man became my best friend.

He has loved me through fat times, ugly times, screaming times, crying times. He sat all night and watched me sleep while I lost our baby so when I woke up I was never alone. He told me my job we're fools for letting me go, he told me I deserved to go to uni, he takes days off work when I'm sick, he brings the junk food home on sad days, when I'm in depression he makes me talk and go to the doctors, when I can't face another day when I've been put down once again, when family show no love and friends show no kindness and we have no money and live in one room, and I look at him and say I've had enough, let me go I can't do this any more. He says he loves me, he needs me and that the days that are good are so good the bad days should be got through to get to them. He gives me a reason to live, to love and be happy.

So today I got a an interview, tomorrow hopefully I'll get the job, our jobs will pay rent for our very own 1 bedroom flat. In that flat we will plan our very small wedding where we will get ready in the morning together and go hand in hand to the church, where the people that don't believe this will work will be but we won't see them. Because I'll only be looking at him, the man I love, my best friend, he will be my husband and I his wife. We will leave the church as if no one else exists and jump on a train to Paris to get away from the mean people as we celebrate that fact we now have the family I have always dreamed of and one day we will raise children with love but for now some days are better than any fairytale, but on the days it's not we have each other.

Love
Simone
xxxx

The heart wants...

...what it wants... and mine wants to be married.

but were broke, I don't currently have a job, and the boyfriend is earning basic money. I hate that money even has to factor into this. We're reading the books and planning a marriage but we have no idea when that marriage might start. I started off wanting a huge wedding that would have been a day to show off to everyone because that is what your told you should do. Now I'm dreaming about a simple wedding where everyone is looked after and happy and we can't even afford this. I want to start planning to get married in 2012.

It sucks...

We don't drink, so there would be no party, the other day we decided we would have brunch! Who doesn't love brunch, and then my Mum and his Mum won't get drunk and be mean to one another. The Cathedral is free and the Priest is a friend. We want the Cathedral Hall for the reception that wouldn't be hardly any money to hire for half a day.



But I'm bummed by how much it is going to cost to hire someone to do a brunch for less than 50 people. So our families don't have to help or worry. Photography is so important to me and I'm looking for someone that creates light emotion filled images that are not over processed, that we could have a disc of all our images without paying more than £2000 ideally not over £1500. But it's like trying to catch a fairy. I already know an amazing hairdresser but want to have my make-up done to because I'm rubbish for me and my bridesmaid with trials that isn't going to cost more the £100.

Photo's from we heart it.

My family are totally unhelpful I don't want money that's not what its about but they don't want to help and they aren't even interested. The boyfriends family are just the same. The boyfriend has only been to one wedding so running ideas past him is a nightmare. How can we want this so much (it is both of us too, were just stuck) and never be getting any closer.

I don't have many friends to make up for a useless family and I feel like is too big for me to do on my own. I wish we could get married just the two of us, but then the unhelpful people would be mad they weren't included... grrr why is there no simple answer!

Please if you have managed to plan a wedding, please lay your advise on me I really need it.

That's all sorry for the moan,
love
Simone
xxxx

Why the fights can be worth it...

So recently life has handed me rubbish and for a while I was down about it, but it takes so much damn energy, so I let it go.

And the boyfriend and I weren't doing so great and led me to rants like this, but that takes a lot of energy too so I came out and I told him... everything. Even that although I love him if I'm not happy then I'm not going to try so hard and stay when he isn't. We talked, he explained I never let on that things are wrong. I told him that he needs to work harder and grow up and we're talking it a step at a time. But he didn't run he cared enough to talk, to try, to not just walk away. This is huge in my life I've experienced a lot of walking away of people realising that they can't be bothered.

Through all the rubbish and the crap and the fights, even when we shout at each other that we're leaving (I don't do this any more and the boyfriend is going to stop, it's a dangerous game) that for a year now neither of us has moved away or walked off, it was never meant to spell the end. I've never had that before. I trust him to tell me the truth and I know in my heart and head that we'll still be needing and loving each other years from now. We're young this is all new and it's much tougher than I thought.

But I still find him amazing, he's smart, kind and so funny and sometimes I don't see these things because I'm too busy being mad at everyone and everything. Sometimes I think what does he see in me why is he still in this. We are not a very touchy feeling in front of people couple. We don't do loads of making out, we cuddle and share interests and discuss things we feel strongly about. So some times it can feel, is this just a really great friendship and we're kidding ourselves. Then last night as he played on the laptop he looked up to see me crossed legged in the middle of the bed eating a whole tub of lemon sorbet and reading Miss Manners on my kindle and I saw him smile, like he did when were first together. That was bliss.

When you have someone who tells you everything you need with a look. That feels like home. That you trust. Well that's worth the odd childish fight because for everything I say here about him I'm sure he'd love to tell you all his side once in a while. (thank God he doesn't read my blog or he might offer lol) Because the great moments would never be as good if you didn't have to fight for them.

Love
Simone
xxxx

Merry Christmas...

I come from a big family:

Mum & Dad
Brother
Sister 1, her new Husband & my 19 year old Nephew
Sister 2, her Boyfriend, my Niece and Step Nephew
Two sets of living Grandparents, all on my dads side a very long story.
Then there is all the other family that comes further out after these.

When I was little things were not all ways perfect in fact when I got older some times it was pretty damn hard, But when I was tiny my Mum and Dad went all out over Christmas, it was a big deal.

I was ill a lot as a child, I mean deaf in one ear, had a illness only 1 in 30,000 people get, life support machines and always needing operations, illness. So I think this is one of the reasons my family went all out some times I would be let out only for Christmas Eve and Christmas day then I would Have to go back. Also I'm my Dads only child, my Mum was 38 when she had me and her pregnancy with me almost made it so she couldn't walk again so they knew that I would be the last child. Let me tell you how some of the really special Christmases went.

One year my Dad asked his friend to come over on Christmas Eve after I had gone to bed, he asked his friend to help him blow up 100's of balloons. (I was crazy about balloons I still love them but as a kid, balloons were only for very special occasions) The reason for blowing up all these balloons was that my Christmas present was a huge toy train that I think you could sit in or at least put your toys in and it lit up and blew air out the top like a steam train. When we went down stairs I had to wait in the hall while my Dad went in, he shouted out that I could come in, as I came in he turned the train on. I stood mouth open in awe, as the brightly lit train went round and it puffed as all these balloons went up in the air. Yeah I know right straight out of a film.

Then there was the year I was really sick I was let out of hospital just for Christmas and when I woke up there was glitter on my nose this was exciting enough but went I looked on the floor there were giant glitter footprints, I followed them until I got to my Mum and Dad's room. (Now in context we didn't have a fireplace and I was scared this would mean that Father Christmas wouldn't come to our house, so every Christmas Eve my Dad would open our back door to let Father Christmas in and leave it a little while and then let him out again. My Dad actually opened the door and waited and let him out again every year in case I was up and didn't hear the door.) So when I told my Mum and Dad about all the glitter, my Dad reminded me that one of the things I'd asked Father Christmas for in my phone call to him that year (I will explain) was that I could be well enough to spend Christmas at home. My Dad explained that Father Christmas wanted to make sure himself that I was well so came up to see me, and had kissed me on the nose. The glitter footprints went all the way from the back door up the stairs to my room. I know your thinking glitter? Father Christmas is magical, he flies through the sky, knows everyone, fits down chimneys when he walks he leaves glitter behind its the magic.

Now the phone call to Father Christmas, every year I would get a phone call from Father Christmas asking what I want for Christmas and asking me if I had been good. This was actually my Grandad not that I knew, as I got older and my Grandad passes away my other Grandad would write me letters covered with Christmas stickers and glitter from Father Christmas.

We always went to Church on Christmas Eve . It was the one time a year that we went food shopping as a family (my Dad never came shopping he used to spend to much lol) and it was the only time you didn't have to ask if you could have something you just put it in the trolley. Now I know your now thinking whoa what did your parents do as jobs well my Mum worked at Fords in catering and my Dad worked for BT. I never got just because treats, I would ask for balloons and treats through out the year and my Mum would say if I had it then I wouldn't get so much on our family Holiday or a Christmas I always choose the twice a year option which I'm glad I did.

Christmas was all about love, family, faith, colour, noise, happiness and presents even up till I was 16 loads of presents. We never traveled people always came to us, dinner was huge, the whole house was decorated, Everyone one spent the whole day together and that's the Christmas I grew up with. I thought everyone celebrated Christmas like this.

Then life went a bit pear shaped and I got kicked out. I moved in with the boyfriend and his family, he buys presents for (including me) 5 people, that's it. They decorate one room of the house. They have chicken for Christmas dinner, they don't go to church, they don't spend the whole day together just dinner, they don't watch Christmas TV and they don't dress up special for the day. I asked The boyfriend when he last had a Christmas with loads of presents and fuss and he said he was about 8.

The first year I was here was a total shock, I just couldn't get my head round it, the quiet, the ordinariness of it all. To add to the shock my family were still not really talking to me and I had no friends here. I cried on my own in the bathroom lots that year and on the phone to Sister 1. She explained most people don't do Christmas to the extreme that our family do, give it a chance go with it I had a chance to take the best parts of both and make them my own. That year we had no money and didn't get each other gifts, and we didn't decorate our room and I was lonely I didn't really know the boyfriends Mum very well and she didn't really like me. I didn't miss the presents or dinner I wanted the big family atmosphere. I just wanted Christmas to slip by.

This year I started to feel the same, we're not having a Christmas party or family get together because Sister 1 was on honeymoon until mid way through December and Sister 2 lives a while away and it keeps snowing. So I just dropped all presents at Mums for everyone to get at some point. The only friend I had here moved away because she broke up with her boyfriend and my best friend has loads of uni work to do so will be staying at uni. I could see a Christmas of crying in the bathroom all over again.

Then the boyfriend and I were shopping for presents and he got me an advent candle like I used to get when I was little. (we had calendars too) and I've been lighting it. He also suggested decorating in our room, we haven't done this before but we have a little 2 foot tree that is decorated, we hung coloured lights above our bed and hung our cards up. I was surprised but it really makes a difference. He has also tried to be more excited about Christmas in general he isn't religious and his best part is that he gets time off work so he is trying harder to get in the spirit. I'm trying not expect so much and not to compare it to how Christmas used to be. It feels like we're doing our own Christmas It might not be what it used to be, but gives me the same feelings.

So I hope you spend Christmas happy and surrounded by love, because after all the presents and the food it's not what Christmas is about. If you need reminding of what Christmas is about look at this post on The Bloggess, It made me cry that's what Christmas is about, helping each other. I know now if you have Christmas like I had as a child, you we're lucky and blessed because some people don't even get what I have now I would give up Christmas completely for all children to have presents and be loved.

So Merry Christmas, I will be thinking of all the blogging people on Christmas day and your families, A huge amount of love and prayers go to Jennifer, Little Wife To Little Mama, Claire, Spare Thoughts, Lottie, Sarah and everyone else that comments on my posts, you make me feel visible in a world that so easily makes people feel invisible you encourage me to write and be honest and give my voice strength lets hope all of us are still being honest and upfront this time next year. I also love and pray for anyone one that just reads my words and if you come back time and time again thank you, you are loved by me very much.

Love you all where every you are
Simone
xxxx

Disheartened...

Today I brought a wedding magazine I used to do this a few times a month, now I do it maybe once every 4 months.

Today I got one because I'm not really one to follow celebrities, I guess I just don't care enough about who another person is dating, what/who they are wearing or if they are perceived as far or thin this week. I find fashion magazines off putting as a larger person I find these magazine are not made for me. Not only that but they are just not my style. So I got the wedding mag as a fall back, last resort if you will.

I have had it mear hours and I'm irritated firstly at myself for spending £5 on a mag (I could have got a book, always look for a book before even looking at the bridal mags, come now Simone!) that I should have known would have left me irritated and without inspiration.

But mostly I'm irritated at bridal magazines for a whole year they advertise the same dresses, the same themes, the same honeymoons just in different colours and with different models and each time they charge £5! The two things that really opened my eyes on this occasion were,
1. Here get this celebrities wedding look for your self, here is a similar wedding dress/engagement ring for £10,000! I kid you not they haven't even tried to scale this down.

2. After looking through pages of adverts for the must have dresses and looking at the must have dress styles for 2011 they have a piece written by an 'expert' on wedding dresses. It says brides should look for a timeless dress so when you look back on your wedding photos it won't look dated. Seriously you can't see the irony in printing this wedding mag? After all that selling and all the adverts (my god there are so many!) the 'experts' answer is ignore the wedding mag.

I guess my point is I'm glad I found blogs, yes they still have trends, what's in and what isn't but there is far more variety. Blogs are much more accommodating to a couple on a budget, hey even to a couple at all. (four pages that's all that grooms to be got in the mag) There is a much greater range of themes, colours, people on blogs than in the mags and I honestly don't think I'll buy another but I would find it much more difficult to give up blogs.

Also on a personal moan I'm just not getting off the ground with our wedding, my mum is done with weddings now since my sister had hers, my dad is trying to push my other sister's fiance into setting a date, (hello ready and raring to go over here) the boyfriends new motto to everything is can't it wait till the new year and my best friend/maid of honour is living it up at uni.

Also to add to my wedding planning blues the I don't need a real diamond or even a costly fake engagement ring, ring turned my finger green so I am once again without engagement ring. I know that this doesn't make our engagement or intent to marry any less its just, I know the things I want are a way off into the future, laptop, wedding, flat and baby (funny how things the boyfriend wants such as xbox and fast internet are always sorted... just saying) but I am engaged I love being engaged and I would very much like a ring... *grumble grumble stamp foot and pout*

Sorry for all the ranting, feel free to rant right back,
Love
Simone
xxxx

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Our random little world

Happy Weekend! I hope you relaxing or just doing all the things you like. So far this morning the boyfriend and I sat in bed and listened to Radiohead then he made me bacon sandwiches and tea :D so it already a pretty good weekend.

The boyfriend works for a small company where there are only three people in the office the boyfriend, another woman and their boss who doesn’t come in until after 2pm. So he spends a fair bit of time looking at all sorts of funny things and oddities on the websites. He then sends me this and we both laugh its always childish and a totally waste of time so I thought I’d share them with you every Saturday! They could be pictures, websites, jokes or videos hope you like.


The Scale of things...

http://thechive.com/2009/09/21/small-earth-big-universe/

Wall-e is one of my fave films ever this made me scream when I saw it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As7UQtKX00c

Now I love really bad joke really terrible ones I'm sorry...

'I once threw a boomerang to a ghost. That'll come back to haunt me.'

'Went to buy 6 cans of Sprite, turns out I picked 7up.'

Awww!



When the Boyfriend sent me this picture the title of the email was Best picture Ever!


So this is the random stuff that makes us giggle though you might like it too think i'll do this every saturday.

Love
Simone & The Boyfriend
xxxx

The engagement / pre-wedding shoot...

I already know who I want as our photographer for the wedding I found her a year ago and her pictures are so light and beautiful but they convey such emotion and no matter how many weddings I look at I haven't once been swayed by another photographers art. (I shall reveal who at a later date.)

I am shy person in front of cameras but the boyfriend is super shy and hates the idea of being centre of attention at the wedding so when I mentioned an engagement shoot it went a lot like this...

Simone: how do you feel about having an engagement shoot?
The boyfriend: *completely blank look* a what now?
S: oh its a shoot with the wedding photographer before the wedding so we can get used to being infront of the camera.
TB: *blank but scared look*
S: yeah that's pretty much how I thought this conversation would go...

Which kills me because I had all these great places for us to go and take our photos but its not always about me...
Are you having one of these shoots or did you have one if so how was it and where did you go?

Love
Simone
xxxx

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Opposites make for difficult wedding planning...

The boyfriend is the man of my dreams. Not because we saw each other over a crowded room and just knew we were going to get married believe me we didn’t. We went to the same college we were two people in a huge group of friends but we were the odd ones in the group. He was shy and I was an ‘emo’ with a different colour fringe each week. One day I looked at his Ipod and he was not a ‘chav’ as I had thought; He liked good music, my kind of music. When you are sixteen that is all the evidence you need for this guy to become your crush. So he did and a year later he asked me out. (I will explain more at a later date)

So when your first attraction is based on music taste you never think it will last more than a summer. Believe me, my friends were so surprised that we were still together after the summer. We had grown close found out about each other, found what we liked and disliked. We had totally different backgrounds and totally different beliefs, but this teenage boy wasn’t like the others, he was smart, funny and down to earth.

I am manic, emotional, irrational and loud. He is the opposite to all of the things I am but he knows me no one else knows when I need to be left alone and when I need help. We’re perfect because we work at it not because we’re meant to be. We are only twenty but we’ve really been up against in the last 3 years and together just the two of us we made it through and got stronger every time.

All sounds great right all our differences are what make our relationship work. These differences will get us through a life time you know what is super difficult when you’re two individuals in one relationship, Planning a wedding!

Most things are easy the most important things for our wedding are,
1. Showing our love and the commitment we wish to make to one another.
2. Music, well music never stopped being a huge part of our lives and I think it always will be.
3. Great food that we actually like, we’re not party people we’re put your favourite songs on in the background and have good dinner with loved ones sort of people.
4. Photography because I have a huge appreciation of the art and because I want to be able to show my children how we got married.
5. Having just the people that really know and love us there. I come from a huge family it would be easy to invite everyone but who has actually met the boyfriend, who will actually want to be there to see us married not just to say they we’re invited.

The most difficult thing that we don’t agree on is that I’m catholic and the boyfriend doesn’t follow religion, he’s happy for everyone to believe what they want, he just doesn’t want or need it in his life. So on a day that is supposed to be about both of us it is difficult to plan a wedding where opinions are so different.

I wish I were an American bride. Where you can get married anywhere you want and have a friend ordained to marry you. Because I would like someone that knows and cares about us to marry us (which we have but he is a catholic priest that can only marry us in a catholic church.) But in a place that makes both of us feel comfortable and is beautiful. I’m totally stuck and can’t think of how to find a compromise. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Love
Simone
xxxx

When you wish upon a star your dreams come true....

I am sitting in bed at one in the morning the boyfriend is sleeping peacefully next to me as it is a Friday which means no horrible alarms to snap us from dreaming tomorrow morning. I can't sleep so I'm sitting in the dark listening to him breath and thinking.

This is when I think best in the dark in the silence. Today was my last shift at my retail job and hopefully I will never have to work in retail again. It is hard tiring work and its the only type full time work I have done. I love people what they do, say or the way they act. People surprise and inspire me. But this love and need for knowledge can be slightly crushed when you work in retail. People shopping is not us at our best or even or most interesting it is us being rude and in a rush. Any way I'm getting off topic...

This time last year I was probably doing the same thing at this time of night sitting in the darkness thinking. I didn't know it but I was about to have a break down. People I worked with were mean and the customers were rude. I had or was just getting over swine flu. The boyfriend didn't have a job. We had lost our baby. I had stopped talking to everyone. The boyfriend in a few weeks time last year would have been holding my hand on the way to the doctors where I would be put on anti-depressants.

So I was in the depths of depression. Sharing a broken single bed with the boyfriend. I would look out the window and watch the stars because when you hit bottom and you've got nothing all you can do is wish. I would wish and pray. I would ask for the boyfriend to get a job; for my soul and body not to hurt any more; for the loss of the baby to bring us closer and not rip us apart; for us to some how to get closer to our dreams so we wouldn't have to work at jobs that made us feel worthless; for us to have some friends so we would have someone else to talk to.

One year on and that really all it is maybe even to the day, we have a king-size bed. The boyfriend has a job he likes when he was ill a couple of weeks ago he still really wanted to go in even though he was so sick they would have sent him home. I'm about to get a job with amazing money that is so close and a great step to my dream job. I'm happy really happy with just the simple things like having a great cuddle with the boyfriend or having a really great dinner together this was lost on me last year. I still ache when I see babies or pregnant women but to get through that together has made us so strong. Yes I'd love a baby when its time but right now it would just be a replacement for what I lost and a child should never have to be anything than its self. It would never fill the hole anyway but it shouldn't have to. I have met loads of people through my sister and through work, but I've also got closer to my old friends and so has the boyfriend.

So I don't care if it was the wishing on stars, the prayers, luck or fight and drive but we have made it together just us two. I'm the most grateful person to be here, happy, healthy and in love. I so amazed out how far we have come and excited at what could come next.

Love
A very honest and sleepy
Simone
xxxx

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funfairs and fireworks...

Its fireworks night and I really love it, I didn’t so much when I was a kid I had hearing problems that meant it was always to loud but one night 3 years ago changed all that.

The first year the boyfriend and I were together he told me about this huge funfair that gets set up on a farm near us and they do fireworks as well. Some things you should know about the boyfriend and me, we’re not crazy about going out and having a wild time we’re old souls. Secondly, we’re not big on public displays of romance or affection. We’re very private and it works for us.

So we went to the fair now I get motion sickness if I get up to quickly (honestly I’m terrible!) and we got there and he said come on the waltzer with me. (Now I thought it would be like the ones I have been on before the little kiddie ones that go slow WRONG!) So blinded by love I went on it. I was almost sick, felt like my neck had been broken and I couldn’t see what direction to walk in order to get off. The boyfriend found this most amusing.



But this rest of the night was amazing I didn’t pay for a single thing all night, I had my first ever lemon and lime slush and now when ever I have one it takes me right back to that night and how in love and young I was. Its beautiful standing in a field that is normally empty and dark, but is for one night filled with all different kind of people and the bright lights and sounds of the rides and stalls.

We share hot donuts and I have sickly sweet treats like dummy rocks and honeycomb at the back of the fair where it’s dark and wait with everyone else for the fireworks. Excited children on sugar highs, playing with all the things they have won, surround us. And the fireworks start and their amazing well worth the money we paid to get in and everything goes quite apart from the children wowing at their favourite fireworks. The boyfriend holds me tight as we watch the fireworks everything is perfect and I have a huge smile on my face one of the best nights of my life.



Now we go every year we went last night and it was just as romantic and perfect as the first year. Filled with warm donuts, lemon and lime shushes and cuddles under the exploding fireworks. I could never fully do justice with words how much I love this night spent with the boyfriend and how romantic it is but I’m sure everyone has one night that they know changed their relationship forever in the most amazing way!

Love
Simone
xxxx

Happy Halloween!

So its Halloween and although I live in England where people don't really do anything for it I love it! So I hope you have a great time where ever you are. My favorite things about it are toffee apples and really little kids dressed up & how they say trick or treat makes me emotional.

A little story for you the first Halloween the boyfriend and I spend together we went to the supermarket to get a pumpkin but they were sold out as it was the night of Halloween. Having never done much for it because my mum hates Halloween I really wanted to have a pumpkin.

So as we were walking home we walked past a house with loads of lit jack o'lanterns. And the boyfriend being all romantic and trying to impress his new girlfriend stole a pumpkin while the candle was still burning inside. (he left the money for it) I was so impressed that I sort of blocked out the stealing with the romance lol and its something we joke about every year now....

Love Simone
xxxx

P.S. photo from we heart it.

P.P.S. gossip about the hen party in it's way this week but I'm still recovering.

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Easily pleased...

For the last week I have really struggled getting to sleep if I hear any noise it turns me into some night monster that shouts at people. My brain is so full of thoughts all the but sometimes they're not even important.

So yesterday it was just too much I told the boyfriend the night before to wake me when he got up but when I told him in the morning I haven't been sleeping he left me in bed. While laying in bed I realised I needed to turn the hot water to have a bath before work and I text the boyfriend asking him if he could do it.

The boyfriend left for work and hadn't turned the water on, he hadn't got my text but he did see the text while on the way to the bus stop. So when he did see it he came all the way back, back in the house to turn the water on.

I know I am easily pleased but this meant so much to me I suffer badly with joint pain so every single morning it feels like I've been hit by a truck and a really hot bath is one of the only things that help and when I did get up yesterday I really ached and I was exhausted and that act of love made my day.

It also made me late for work because the water was so lovely and warm that I laid there for ages soothing my aches and thinking how lucky I am. But totally worth it.

So when he got home and I told him he made my day and that it was a lovely thing he did, he was like oh ok it was no bother and couldn't even see why it was a big deal I love the boyfriend very much.

xxxx

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What do WE want?

Yesterday when I was thinking about the wedding the first thing you need to decide on is what kind of wedding you want big or small. I have been planning the wedding on and off for over a year and every time I kept switching between big wedding and small wedding.

I come from a huge family and have been to loads of weddings big and small but being the hopeless romantic that I am I always pictured myself having a big wedding. I guess having a big family has a lot to do this this you think everyone will have to be there that you want everyone to celebrate your love but as you get oldder big families have a tenancy to become detached and now all those people I thought I couldn't have a wedding with out haven't seem me in 3 years. So that made me think I really just want people there that really love me.

Then it not just me getting married its the joining of a couple and the boyfriend comes from a really small family. Also he's shy and neither of us drink. Him because he'd rather spend his money on stuff he enjoys and me because I don't have a great history with drink and I'm far better without it. But we both have mothers that LOVE the vodka and they can both become mean quickly on a drink and this worried us. So what ever wedding we would have it would need to be one with limited alcohol. Because I don't need to be stresseda about our mothers on our wedding day.

Finally a party, well I sat down and really thought about it and the last 3 weddings I remember going to sat in the corner all night talking. In fact every party I go to I don't like the music and I sit talking. Unless I'm drunk but see above. The boyfriend HATES parties he's not a grumpy we have loads of fun together but never when being force to dance or being persuaded to drink.

This led to as asking ourselves why are we planning a big wedding with a party when we don't like lots of people or parties? Oh that's right we were planning it because that's what a wedding is "supposed" to be. And because we know certain people will judge us for not having a party.

Well I have read enough blogs and been to enough weddings to know that as long as the bride and groom are madly in love with each other and are true to what they want that is what makes to best wedding! So it shall be an elegant intimate wedding followed by dinner with the people we love most and that is alright by me.

Love
Rubylu
xxxx

And we'd be so free happy alone sharing a smile so far from home and we would laugh laugh till we cry...

Today two years ago the boyfriend and I got engaged we had already been living together and we had talked about getting engaged and I knew the boyfriend had purchased a ring.

It was to romantic, I have an obsession with stars I have a star tattoo and can completely get lost while looking at the stars. And there is a park behind our house that has a tire swing that you can lay on and look up and see nothing but stars! We have been sneaking out of the house to talk watch the stars a be alone since we started dating.

Two years ago on a clear night in the pitch black the boyfriend suggested that we go look at the stars and when I laid back and looked at the stars he put a song on his phone (true love way - kings of Leon) and as I look around and sat up he was on one knee asking me to marry him....

I cried and of course said yes and in the middle on the night in the dark it felt like no one lived near by and like time stopped the three things I found most amazing in the whole world, the boyfriend, the stars and music just changed my life forever

Love
Simone
xxxx

Song for today - Kings of Leon True Love Way

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