Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Merry Christmas...

I come from a big family:

Mum & Dad
Sister 1, her new Husband & my 19 year old Nephew
Sister 2, her Boyfriend, my Niece and Step Nephew
Two sets of living Grandparents, all on my dads side a very long story.
Then there is all the other family that comes further out after these.

When I was little things were not all ways perfect in fact when I got older some times it was pretty damn hard, But when I was tiny my Mum and Dad went all out over Christmas, it was a big deal.

I was ill a lot as a child, I mean deaf in one ear, had a illness only 1 in 30,000 people get, life support machines and always needing operations, illness. So I think this is one of the reasons my family went all out some times I would be let out only for Christmas Eve and Christmas day then I would Have to go back. Also I'm my Dads only child, my Mum was 38 when she had me and her pregnancy with me almost made it so she couldn't walk again so they knew that I would be the last child. Let me tell you how some of the really special Christmases went.

One year my Dad asked his friend to come over on Christmas Eve after I had gone to bed, he asked his friend to help him blow up 100's of balloons. (I was crazy about balloons I still love them but as a kid, balloons were only for very special occasions) The reason for blowing up all these balloons was that my Christmas present was a huge toy train that I think you could sit in or at least put your toys in and it lit up and blew air out the top like a steam train. When we went down stairs I had to wait in the hall while my Dad went in, he shouted out that I could come in, as I came in he turned the train on. I stood mouth open in awe, as the brightly lit train went round and it puffed as all these balloons went up in the air. Yeah I know right straight out of a film.

Then there was the year I was really sick I was let out of hospital just for Christmas and when I woke up there was glitter on my nose this was exciting enough but went I looked on the floor there were giant glitter footprints, I followed them until I got to my Mum and Dad's room. (Now in context we didn't have a fireplace and I was scared this would mean that Father Christmas wouldn't come to our house, so every Christmas Eve my Dad would open our back door to let Father Christmas in and leave it a little while and then let him out again. My Dad actually opened the door and waited and let him out again every year in case I was up and didn't hear the door.) So when I told my Mum and Dad about all the glitter, my Dad reminded me that one of the things I'd asked Father Christmas for in my phone call to him that year (I will explain) was that I could be well enough to spend Christmas at home. My Dad explained that Father Christmas wanted to make sure himself that I was well so came up to see me, and had kissed me on the nose. The glitter footprints went all the way from the back door up the stairs to my room. I know your thinking glitter? Father Christmas is magical, he flies through the sky, knows everyone, fits down chimneys when he walks he leaves glitter behind its the magic.

Now the phone call to Father Christmas, every year I would get a phone call from Father Christmas asking what I want for Christmas and asking me if I had been good. This was actually my Grandad not that I knew, as I got older and my Grandad passes away my other Grandad would write me letters covered with Christmas stickers and glitter from Father Christmas.

We always went to Church on Christmas Eve . It was the one time a year that we went food shopping as a family (my Dad never came shopping he used to spend to much lol) and it was the only time you didn't have to ask if you could have something you just put it in the trolley. Now I know your now thinking whoa what did your parents do as jobs well my Mum worked at Fords in catering and my Dad worked for BT. I never got just because treats, I would ask for balloons and treats through out the year and my Mum would say if I had it then I wouldn't get so much on our family Holiday or a Christmas I always choose the twice a year option which I'm glad I did.

Christmas was all about love, family, faith, colour, noise, happiness and presents even up till I was 16 loads of presents. We never traveled people always came to us, dinner was huge, the whole house was decorated, Everyone one spent the whole day together and that's the Christmas I grew up with. I thought everyone celebrated Christmas like this.

Then life went a bit pear shaped and I got kicked out. I moved in with the boyfriend and his family, he buys presents for (including me) 5 people, that's it. They decorate one room of the house. They have chicken for Christmas dinner, they don't go to church, they don't spend the whole day together just dinner, they don't watch Christmas TV and they don't dress up special for the day. I asked The boyfriend when he last had a Christmas with loads of presents and fuss and he said he was about 8.

The first year I was here was a total shock, I just couldn't get my head round it, the quiet, the ordinariness of it all. To add to the shock my family were still not really talking to me and I had no friends here. I cried on my own in the bathroom lots that year and on the phone to Sister 1. She explained most people don't do Christmas to the extreme that our family do, give it a chance go with it I had a chance to take the best parts of both and make them my own. That year we had no money and didn't get each other gifts, and we didn't decorate our room and I was lonely I didn't really know the boyfriends Mum very well and she didn't really like me. I didn't miss the presents or dinner I wanted the big family atmosphere. I just wanted Christmas to slip by.

This year I started to feel the same, we're not having a Christmas party or family get together because Sister 1 was on honeymoon until mid way through December and Sister 2 lives a while away and it keeps snowing. So I just dropped all presents at Mums for everyone to get at some point. The only friend I had here moved away because she broke up with her boyfriend and my best friend has loads of uni work to do so will be staying at uni. I could see a Christmas of crying in the bathroom all over again.

Then the boyfriend and I were shopping for presents and he got me an advent candle like I used to get when I was little. (we had calendars too) and I've been lighting it. He also suggested decorating in our room, we haven't done this before but we have a little 2 foot tree that is decorated, we hung coloured lights above our bed and hung our cards up. I was surprised but it really makes a difference. He has also tried to be more excited about Christmas in general he isn't religious and his best part is that he gets time off work so he is trying harder to get in the spirit. I'm trying not expect so much and not to compare it to how Christmas used to be. It feels like we're doing our own Christmas It might not be what it used to be, but gives me the same feelings.

So I hope you spend Christmas happy and surrounded by love, because after all the presents and the food it's not what Christmas is about. If you need reminding of what Christmas is about look at this post on The Bloggess, It made me cry that's what Christmas is about, helping each other. I know now if you have Christmas like I had as a child, you we're lucky and blessed because some people don't even get what I have now I would give up Christmas completely for all children to have presents and be loved.

So Merry Christmas, I will be thinking of all the blogging people on Christmas day and your families, A huge amount of love and prayers go to Jennifer, Little Wife To Little Mama, Claire, Spare Thoughts, Lottie, Sarah and everyone else that comments on my posts, you make me feel visible in a world that so easily makes people feel invisible you encourage me to write and be honest and give my voice strength lets hope all of us are still being honest and upfront this time next year. I also love and pray for anyone one that just reads my words and if you come back time and time again thank you, you are loved by me very much.

Love you all where every you are

1 comment:

  1. Aww thank you chick, merry Christmas to you too. Looking forward to reading more of your words.
    Sorry to hear that Christmas isn't as it was in your childhood - it changes for us all.